This really takes the cake.

You have probably heard me complain about yoga before. I like to go for exercise and stretching reasons, not some sort of spiritual crap. I don't want to learn Sanskrit. I don't want to become vegan (damn cheese haters). I don't want to be inspired to become a fake Buddhist.

Yesterday I knew that I was in trouble the minute I walked in. First, not the regular teacher. I was prepared for the regular teacher's own form of yoga craziness....overly happy, huggy, sings in Sanskrit at the end. It used to make me want to get up, scream, and leave the room. I learned to "breathe through" my anger. No, this teacher was a new form of wacky. We had to all sit facing each other in a big circle because she "loves circular flow." ok. This seemed doable at first until i realized that there would be no privacy when you were literally 2 feet away from the person facing you. I soon realized that this set up gave me a clear view of this doofus three people over who chose not to wear a shirt. This must have been so distracting because it took me about 15 minutes to realize that he was wearing BOXER SHORTS. Who does that? I feel bad for the woman right in front of him because she has to be getting nut sack views the whole time. SO. GROSS.

It went downhill from there. I kept getting distracted. Then we had the sleepy time thing at the end. I much have had bad chi or yang, or some other shit because the teacher insisted that I use an eye pillow. I soon hat itchy eyes and a nose from whatever twigs and berries were in there. An just when I thought I was free to leave, I had to sit though 5 minutes of candle light Sanskrit chanting. LORD! I can't wait for the overly happy teacher to come back.